And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
