12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
