so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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