I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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