I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
