don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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