He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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