im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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