Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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