he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
