In the future we'll all be gay
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i came on her dog
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
