He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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