Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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