The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
