We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
