hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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