All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
