I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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