Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
