Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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