Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
