Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
