And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
