i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
