So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
