Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
