There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize