You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
