Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
