why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
