Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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