I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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