Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
