If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
