How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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