My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
