no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
