Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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