If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
