i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
