She's JV to your varsity
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
