I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
