I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
