My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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