It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
