shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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