I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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