where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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