and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
