i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I forget how to act sober
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
