Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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