Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
