lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
