Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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