you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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