Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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