Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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