Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
