i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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