hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think a kid would responsible me up
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
