her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
