I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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