make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
