If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
love makes seman taste better
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
