what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize