No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Mom said you looked used
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
