So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
