South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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