I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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