He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is wine microwaveable?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
