i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?