I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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