You work out of a Hotel?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.