Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
40s are totally the cure
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
