All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Say something about gay babies.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
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in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic