Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth