My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
