Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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