I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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