You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
