And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
