I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just pee around me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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