we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
