I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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