omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
