i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
