I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
