Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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