im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just forgot I was standing up.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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