I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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